I am outraged at the way lights close in cars today. Normally, whenever I close the doors of my car (a Honda CRV), the lights turn off within 5 seconds, giving me comfort that my car has become invisible and melted in the shadows, safe from all harm. However, this infallible 5 second rule broke in my most trying of times.
It was dark outside and I wanted to go to the IMA at my school, a sports facility for the students and faculty at University of Washington.
On a side note, every creepy old man likes to run around naked in the locker room at the IMA. It's hardly uncommon to have a degenerating sexagenarian standing stark naked at the entrance proudly groping himself fondly and flopping his crusty genitals all over the place. And let me tell you, these people are old and stretchy and wrinkles that give them extra area in which to flesh themselves out, quite literally. They simply don't do anything except take their clothes off and walk around. I'm certain there have been instances where I walked into the locker room, saw a demented naked old man, went swimming, and came back to see the same demented naked old man loitering around talking loudly and with great physical expression through his pelvis.
But I digress, back to my story. I thought it was immeasurably clever of me to change into shorts in my car so I wouldn't have worry about storage of bags and senior citizens on the prey for chocolate colored freshmen. I hopped into my car, sure that the lights would close and I would not break any decency laws as nobody would be able to see me in the lack of light. Oh, how I was fooled.
The space in the car is cramped as it is and I was writing around taking off my pants when I noticed that the light inside would not go off. I was in no position to turn it off manually and became flustered and started yelling at the light while ridding myself of trousers. I was huffing, puffing, and muttering while I got my unnecessarily short, flamboyant bright red shorts on and of course, the minute they were snug around my waist the light immediately dimmed down. It must have been a very entertaining scene for everybody else in the parking lot. A half naked guy flailing around in this car yelling at the light.
I would wish for a picture of the event except I don't think I could get anybody to do it. Would I run around in my underwear and scurry over angrily to somebody innocently walking back to their car? Demand them to follow me and document a pictorial version of me putting on clothes in the light? It's not something I would show to friends and family whenever they came over. "And here I was at the Grand Canyon. It's really spectacular. And here I am naked and angry and putting on clothes. You really should have been there."
Why did Honda design their cars to fail like this? Is there some secret video camera in their cars that they insert in hopes of capturing moments like these? If I am gaining notoriety on amateur websites on the internet I demand proper accreditation and a share of the royalties.
Please Honda, I beg you, put and end to this light madness and fix your cars.