Yesterday night I managed to enter into a series of furious convulsions of laughter that lasted approximately seventeen minutes. I was rolling around on the floor clutching my stomach in hysterics, I grabbed pillows and I grabbed the walls, and if I had the ability I would have surely interacted with the ceiling.
This escapade stems from my end-of-quarter English portfolio for one of my classes, as we turn in everything at once in one brief but strenuous period of time. I was frantically scurrying around making sure I had everything in perfect working order so that I wouldn't be ruined by this class when my friend Maaz took the liberty upon himself to proofread one of my papers. I was frantic and sleepy with my tongue burned from the world's worst hot "chocolate" from a suspicious gas station when he called me over to look at one of the errors the computer corrected by itself. I scampered over to his computer and the document proudly highlighted my foolish mistake and stated "NEVER HYPHENATE."
It was at this moment that I lost all sensibilities of self and started laughing. This was no giggle or snicker, and I certainly didn't let out a mere chortle. I guffawed louder than a freight train and literally dissolved into laughter. I now know where that term comes from as I could feel my kidneys exploding inside of me and everything becoming one fluid mesh of human as I tried to regain control of myself.
Here I was feigning importance as I hurried around to ensure a high passing grade on my portfolio when a machine simply tells me I am wrong in a certain area. Not only wrong, but it commands me never to hyphenate in that matter and I could not control myself from laughing at such absurdity. How much is a person worth when a low-level text program is yelling at you?
I'm in college thinking that I'm going to go perhaps achieve something in life in a university with students of equal caliber, thinking that we are somewhat talented individuals with minds, creativity, and potential, and that we have intellectual power and independence when this crude program comes out of nowhere and reminds me of my lowly stature in society.
Being tacitly told from a machine that I am wrong and I should never repeat a stylistic linguistic convention ever again nearly made me go insane from laughter. It was this philosophical reflection upon the worth of human life that made me realize that my feelings of self-importance as of this moment are pure illusions and that my worries about my education and future in relativity to everything are unmemorable and inconsequential. This crass realization brought upon by a stupid program really made me think and roll around in peals of laughter, and now I know that above all else there is one action I must never again perform on penalty of death and/or humiliation by an unthinking computer program - I must never hyphenate.