Why I hate literature, and why you should too

Where Satan breeds and corrupts his followers.

The other day I was busy exploring the depths of the Internet, appreciating it's glory and ability to spread around thoughts and ideas. But out of nowhere, I stumbled upon a most disturbing piece of information. Apparently, there are places where you can go and read books.

That's right. Some depraved lunatics had the idea to go and create buildings where anybody can check out books, read them, and then return them. Only for the cycle to refresh itself. And the worst thing, it's absolutely free. That's right, whoever wants to can just waltz in there and borrow any book they like. It's ridiculous!

Now, some of you might be wondering, "Ansab, why are you so against the library? It's a good place...isn't it?" And I can proudly and correctly respond to you ignorant buffoon, "NOT AT ALL!"

The library's primary function is and has always been to check out books. Books, and a lot of them literature. Now, some of these books are alright. But the majority of them are so dangerous, that every single book should be banned altogether.

Books, especially literature, are filled with dangerous ideas. They are filled with radical thoughts that corrupt our innocent youth, experimental adults, and senile elderly. If it's non-fiction and stated to be true, with various credible sources, people can take the facts and reject them outright. It may surprise you, but some people can look the truth straight in the eye and refuse to believe it.

Literature, however, is fiction, and because it claims to be so you are influenced by it's hidden satanic meanings. Take for example, the 'classic' piece of literature, 1984, by George Orwell. In that book he criticizes the government in such a fashion, that he actually ruined politics.

Before 1984 came around, nobody criticized the government. And what does that show you, that the government was perfect. It was just so absolutely Utopian that nobody had the need to complain. Everyone was happy as they were and couldn't wish for a thing to change. But Orwell came along and spread around such nasty ideas about politics and corruption of the government that people believed him. They took his words to heart and starting making a mess of things.

Huckleberry Finn is another example of why books should be banned. It was meant to be read by children as an adventure novel, but it has such horrible ideas that even sensible adults should be wary. It teaches kids that they should be vagrants, drunks, and hooligans, and hold minorities as hostages on rafts. Mark Twain, the author, tells children that they should never listen to their elders. Though their adults are older, therefore more intelligent and morally sound, Twain argues that they even they can be wrong in their thinking.

He shows the unassuming reader that if you are an abused child, you are kinder to people (especially of color) than your 'cultured' peers. Twain spreads dangerous thoughts that being raised in a rich culture makes you a prejudiced and racist person, and everyone should go and have adventures on the Mississippi River (which has taken many lives over the course of its existence and still does so).

And the terrorists also read books. True story. What do you think they're doing right now? They're reading. That's how they get corrupted: with books. If it wasn't for those dastardly items the world would be rid of all corruption and spread of deadly ideas.

Can you imagine the power of such a thing? A novel, just empty words strewn together in such a manner that people became cynical towards everything. If something as basic as a book continues to exist, imagine what the future is going to be like. Just pieces of paper tossed together and everyone can start believing their message.

If something is as powerful and influential as that, does it deserve to exist? All you need is one book, and the beliefs of a generation can be altered. Such tools are far too unstable for people to have access to and something needs to be done. As I write these words before you those who have been convinced of my message need to run out and start burning and banning as many of these books as you can.

The unfortunate thing about a book is, once you have a copy, it is solid and cannot be physically changed. Of course it can be reprinted and changed, but then you know it's different. If I read a piece of literature, and I then I give to a friend, it's unchanged from when it left my hands and landed into his (or hers).

On the Internet, when I read something, anybody can hack into it and change the information, so when I refer an article to a friend, he (or she) reads something completely different than I did, therefore making it completely safe for my friend to learn. I'll know that the article could be rid of all errors by a good Samaritan, and it makes me happy that without anyone knowing and worrying about it, it has changed from its original meaning of despair and evil, and is becoming rid of all parts of it which make it dangerous for others to read.

Books however, are essentially faulty. Literature is the worst of it, and if me and my intelligent brethren don't do something about this horrible plague, who knows what could become of our uneducated humans who read these atrocities.

WARNING: This piece of writing is a satire, and because it is exceptionally well written and perfect, it has an aggressively destructive nature. Since that corruption makes it faulty, it should not be read by anyone

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